I decided I would reward myself with one piece each time my husband pissed me off and I remained calm and acted nice. 

It has been a week now.  All of the candy is gone and I am probably 5 lbs heavier, but what wonders chocolate can work on a marriage.

I am thinking I may need to order a crate of these babies.

“Shut your fucking mouth or I’ll fuck it!” – Zack & Miri

“Your language is offensive!” – The Hangover

“People who talk in metaphors outta shampoo my crotch!” – As Good As It Gets

“I don’t know how to put this, but im kinda a big deal.” – Anchorman

“It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.” – Silence of the Lambs

“Satan isnt inside a guitar pick, he’s inside of all of us, he’s that little voice inside your head that says ‘fuck you’ to all the people you hate!” – Tenacious D,  The Pick of Destiny

“You wanna make $14 the hard way?” – Caddyshack

“Whatever I wanna do, gahhh!” – Napoleon Dynamite

“Look…  just because I rock doesn’t mean I’m made of stone!  I feel your fear.  It’s coming through like static on my heart radio.” – Me, Myself and Irene

“I  desperately wanna make love to a schoolboy!” – Dumb and Dumber

i personally thought maybe these dreams were coming from feelings i am having of being trapped, in my current situation and in the recent past since i was in the hospital for so long.  i have been  unable to get out and go anywhere for at least nine months now, never even being able to even so much drive my car or walk outside around the block.  until recently i had high hopes that this would change soon.  i imagined taking kale shopping or out to explore and do some of my photography like i used to love doing, but those dreams have pretty well been crushed by finding out i have lupus. 

i don’t see any of that being possible now because i am at the point it hurts just holding my son and i am unable to carry him in his carrier at all.  i am pretty well on my own and stuck here at home all alone since my husband works all the time and doesn’t have time to take us out and our son is still so little i am not comfortable leaving him with anyone.  the only real support system i have through this and everything else recently are my parents, and even then they are miles away and i still feel like no one truly understands all i am going through.  all of this just leaves me feeling lost, alone, scared and powerless; the same feelings i have in the dreams.

my research has led me to belive this self-analysis and also discover more reasons that i could be dreaming these dreams.  i found that this dream symbol is an indication of your dependence and degree of control you have on your life or the direction you are going in your life. to dream that you car has been stolen, indicates that you are being stripped of your identity. this can possibly relate to losing your job, a failed relationship, or some situation which has played a significant role in your identity and who you are as a person.

now it all makes much more sense. i don’t know what i can do about changing the situation or stopping the dreams, but at least i have a more complete understanding if it all so it is not quite as terrifying anymore.  hey, you learn something new every day!

here is a quick run down of the main events only…

*i was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of many things in my past (that is a whole other story that i wont venture into today – you are very welcome)
*our house was broken into and my husband was attacked by the guy while he protected me.  he was left with a huge gash in his arm and 16 stitches.
*i found out i had cancer and was subsequently fired from my job and left with no insurance.
*i was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis, but luckily my crohn’s disease went into remission.
*we got engaged and then found out i was pregnant due to the medications from my surgeries for the cancer canceling out my birth control.
*my husband was rushed to the ER and we found out he has type 1 diabetes. he stayed in the hospital a few days and now we are dealing with that for the rest of our lives.
*we got married and my husband had to drop out of college and get a job to support us, long story there.
*due to serious complications with my pregnancy, including preeclampsia, i spent three months in the hospital and our son was born prematurely and spent over a week in the NICU.

so, finally we are all home and happy. things should be settling down now, right? no.

i went to the doctor because i have been feeling so bad and having so much unbearable pain. when the doctor told me i tested positive for lupus and have to see a specialist i seriously wanted to ask him where ashton was hiding and where all of the cameras were hidden because it seemed so unbelievable that something else could happen to us.

but, alas, it is true and what can we do? nothing. just keep on living our lives and holding our heads up high, pushing through it and being thankful for the good things that we have. we cry sometimes, but more often we laugh about it all because we belive you can’t take life to seriously and we want to have fun while we are here.

Yeah, that didn’t work out too well did it?

humm …  yet here we go again …

Just sayin’!

As soon as his cancer was detected, I noticed the immediate attempt at the “canonization” of old Teddy Kennedy by the mainstream media. They are saying what a “great American” he is. I say, let’s get a couple things clear and not twist the facts to change the real history:

1. He was caught cheating at Harvard when he attended it. He was expelled twice, once for cheating on a test, and once for paying a classmate to cheat for him.

2. While expelled, Kennedy enlisted in the Army, but mistakenly signed up for four years instead of two. Oops! The man can’t count to four! His father, Joseph P. Kennedy, former U.S. Ambassador to England (a step up from bootlegging liquor into the US from Canada during prohibition), pulled the necessary strings to have his enlistment shortened to two years, and to ensure that he served in Europe, not Korea , where a war was raging. No preferential treatment for him! (like he charged that President Bush received).

3. Kennedy was assigned to Paris , never advanced beyond the rank of Private, and returned to Harvard upon being discharged. Imagine a person of his “education” NEVER advancing past the rank of Private!

4. While attending law school at the University of Virginia , he was cited for reckless driving four times, including once when he was clocked driving 90 miles per hour in a residential neighborhood with his headlights off after dark. Yet his Virginia driver’s license was never revoked.. Coincidentally, he passed the bar exam in 1959. Amazing!

5. In 1964, he was seriously injured in a plane crash, and hospitalized for several months. Test results done by the hospital at the time he was admitted had shown he was legally intoxicated. The results of those tests remained a “state secret” until in the 1980’s when the report was unsealed.. Didn’t hear about that from the unbiased media, did we?

6. On July 19, 1969, Kennedy attended a party on Chappaquiddick Island in Massachusetts . At about 11:00 PM, he borrowed his chauffeur’s keys to his Oldsmobile limousine, and offered to give a ride home to Mary Jo Kopechne, a campaign worker. Leaving the island via an unlit bridge with no guard rail, Kennedy steered the car off the bridge, flipped, and into Poucha Pond. He swam to shore and walked back to the party, passing several houses and a fire station. Two friends then returned with him to the scene of the accident. According to their later testimony, they told him what he already knew – that he was required by law to immediately report the accident to the authorities. Instead, Kennedy made his way to his hotel, called his lawyer, and went to sleep. Kennedy called the police the next morning and by then the wreck had already been discovered. Before dying, Kopechne had scratched at the upholstered floor above her head in the upside-down car.

The Kennedy family began “calling in favors”, ensuring that any inquiry would be contained. Her corpse was whisked out-of-state to her family, before an autopsy could be conducted. Further details are uncertain, but after the accident Kennedy says he repeatedly dove under the water trying to rescue Kopechne and he didn’t call police because he was in a state of shock.

It is widely assumed Kennedy was drunk, many also assume that he either raped Kopechne or tried and wanted to be sure she didn’t talk, and he held off calling police in hopes that his family could fix the problem overnight. Since the accident, Kennedy’s “political enemies” have referred to him as the distinguished Senator from Chappaquiddick. He pled guilty only to leaving the scene of an accident, and was given a SUSPENDED SENTENCE OF TWO MONTHS.

Kopechne’s family received a small pay out from the Kennedy’s insurance policy, and never sued. There was later an effort to have her body exhumed and autopsied, but her family successfully fought against this in court, and Kennedy’s family paid their attorney’s bills… a “token of friendship”?

7.  Let’s not forget Ted Kennedy’s involvement in one of the most highly publicised rape cases ever as apparently all of the media have.  Late on the evening of March 30, 1991 after a night of drinking Senator Ted Kennedy, his son Patrick Kennedy, and his nephew William Kennedy Smith brought some girls back to the Kennedy family retreat.  According to one of the girls, at one point in the evening Ted Kennedy walked into the room without his trousers and only wearing a long tailed shirt making her very uncomfortable.  Later that evening the other girl ,Patricia Bowman, was raped by William Kennedy Smith and this was backed up by forensic testing.  Patrick and Ted, who were also still at the estate at the time of the rape, denied having any knowledge of the crime having taken place.

8. Kennedy has held his Senate seat for more than forty years, but considering his longevity, his accomplishments seem scant. He authored or argued for legislation that ensured a variety of civil rights, increased the minimum wage in 1981, made access to health care easier for the indigent, and funded Meals on Wheels for fixed-income seniors and is widely held as the “standard-bearer for liberalism”. In his very first Senate roll, he was the floor manager for the bill that turned U.S. immigration policy upside down and opened the floodgate for immigrants from third world countries.

9. Since that time, he has been the prime instigator and author of every expansion of an increase in immigration, up to and including the latest attempt to grant amnesty to illegal aliens. Not to mention the pious grilling he gave the last two Supreme Court nominees, as if he was the standard bearer for the nation in matters of “what’s right”.

10. He is known around Washington as a public drunk, loud, boisterous and very disrespectful to ladies. JERK is a better description than “great American”. “A blond in every pond” was his motto.  He truly is a legend, there is no denying that, but the wrong kind of legend who is made for all of the wrong reasons. 

Let’s not allow the spin doctors to make this jerk a hero — how quickly the American public forgets what his real legacy is. Research this informaton on your own, you are sure to find plenty on it and also alot more.  Let’s keep this going for truth, justice and the American way

(This started as an e-mail going around and I added a few things that I noticed were not mentioned. Feel free to send a link to your friends.)