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Tuesday, November 27, 2007 unashamed open room this is not about love or anything this is just one damn room this is not about proving a point or being right this is having a good time finding what life is really meant to be and that real love is really easy fuck reality this is about beauty you just couldn't see me in my true light you never looked close enough you never cared you made a picture of me in your mind that was nothing like i am so that you could excuse yourself for not being capable of loving anyone but you and if you can't then fuck you i don't care at all and don't apologise because i never will this is not about the pain you dished out none of the hurt you gave me seeped through just thought you might want to know paper cut scars crisscross all over they stung just for a moment then i realized i was perfectly alright i can't love you but i forgive you it is all okay, right i wish you could have seen this girl felt her power known her strength but i am also glad that you never did or i might not be where i am now no, i won't apologise for your mistakes this isn't about any of that this is about fate and when you are good when you are true finally after the suffering good things come that make up for it all from the wall to that closet start over by K @ 3:53 PM Tuesday, November 20, 2007 taking off the mask i cant stand here and lie to you but i do it every day. and there is no point in pretending but what would anyone gain with the truth? sometimes in the bath at night i stop pretending that i am sane, happy, and together and i stop lying to myself. then i fall apart for a little while. nobody ever knows. honestly i cant tell why i cant take this and why does the sound of it make me want to dig something, anything, into the deep places inside me and tear all of this out. maybe ill have to do this thing on my own. and dont you have a clue? cant you see me through these wires across the distance that breaks us into so many shining fragments of glass reflecting the images of a death days parade? cant you tell im crying? cant you just try to pretend to care? and sometimes i wish i could act cold and distant just like the world and have that come easy. and sometimes i long to say "never did" and pretend all of this shit in my life never did actually happen. the holidays are the suck. *i dont care if it hurts, i wanna have control, i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul, i want you to notice when im not around, youre so fucking special, i wish i was special... i dont belong here. someone kill me. tonight ill cry these eyes out, eyes blind to everything around me but the insurmountable climb thats on the brink of leaving me tumbling down to this blank chasm of forgetful depression. and maybe i sound just like the ones ive despised but this is an absolute terror and i cant help it. is it wrong to wish that someone knew what i was in these pale shadows? i want you all to see me like i am in the bath at night, curled up and sobbing, whispering these lyrics over and over, knowing i will never be good enough. is it wrong that i hate myself so much i want you all to see me like that and hate me for it too and pretend i never existed so i could just disappear like i have to everyone else who has decided that they hate me? *radiohead - creep by K @ 12:59 PM Friday, November 16, 2007 take a dump here is your challenge, should you be brave enough to accept. dump out whatever is in your purse or pockets and share with a photograph. post it on buzznet and tag it friday challenge!  by K @ 11:47 AM Tuesday, November 13, 2007 you aren't welcome here anyone who secretly hates me anyone who pretends to be my friend but then jumps to ridiculous conclusions that they never would even consider if they really knew me anyone who hurts me, makes me cry, makes me angry, or is mean any of my ex-boyfriends anyone who writes mean comments, tacky emails, etc. instead of just calling me and talking things out like an adult anyone who is going to do anything causing me to get a restraining order on them someday anyone who is any of these things is not welcome here or any of my other sites. they should leave immediately and never return. these are my rules for the time being and i reserve the right to expand upon them for my safety, well being, or amusement. by clicking on this site you agree to have read this and follow the terms. thank you and good bye. by K @ 3:44 AM Tuesday, November 06, 2007 cutztoomuch  like i have said before, lolsecretz cracks me up. by K @ 3:09 AM Friday, November 02, 2007 bohemian alien i was so happy to find that i was published in the new bohemian alien issue. it really made my day to see the things they chose, things i didn't even submit, but they liked and chose anyway. it just goes to show, even when you think nobody notices you or appreciates you, usually someone out there does... sometimes they just do it quietly. but, what really blew me out of the water was to see a poem dedicated especially to me (for those of you who don't remember my website used to be called girl amiss back in the beginning) from one of the most talented writers i know, miss happy... To the original, beautiful Girl Amiss The night will have its bitter whim a poem of sleepless stanzas awake and raw it wears you thin Effulgent blaze this hurt within your soul is slowly melting while open wounds gangrene your skin Painful echoes of deceit and sin as you bleed his silent verses a requiem sung for girl amiss
so, go check out the new bohemian alien site. there is so much great work featured there! and to everyone who frequents my blog and takes the time to look at my work and leave me a comment here and there, thank you so much. to happy, my friend, my favorite birthday present, my awesome gift from GOD... i love you so much. you hold a special place in my heart and in my life that noone will ever be able to fill. you have always been there for me and never judged me. thank you for being you, and making me... happy. by K @ 7:40 AM |
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