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Tuesday, November 20, 2007 taking off the mask i cant stand here and lie to you but i do it every day. and there is no point in pretending but what would anyone gain with the truth? sometimes in the bath at night i stop pretending that i am sane, happy, and together and i stop lying to myself. then i fall apart for a little while. nobody ever knows. honestly i cant tell why i cant take this and why does the sound of it make me want to dig something, anything, into the deep places inside me and tear all of this out. maybe ill have to do this thing on my own. and dont you have a clue? cant you see me through these wires across the distance that breaks us into so many shining fragments of glass reflecting the images of a death days parade? cant you tell im crying? cant you just try to pretend to care? and sometimes i wish i could act cold and distant just like the world and have that come easy. and sometimes i long to say "never did" and pretend all of this shit in my life never did actually happen. the holidays are the suck. *i dont care if it hurts, i wanna have control, i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul, i want you to notice when im not around, youre so fucking special, i wish i was special... i dont belong here. someone kill me. tonight ill cry these eyes out, eyes blind to everything around me but the insurmountable climb thats on the brink of leaving me tumbling down to this blank chasm of forgetful depression. and maybe i sound just like the ones ive despised but this is an absolute terror and i cant help it. is it wrong to wish that someone knew what i was in these pale shadows? i want you all to see me like i am in the bath at night, curled up and sobbing, whispering these lyrics over and over, knowing i will never be good enough. is it wrong that i hate myself so much i want you all to see me like that and hate me for it too and pretend i never existed so i could just disappear like i have to everyone else who has decided that they hate me? *radiohead - creep by K @ 12:59 PM |
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