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Friday, November 25, 2005 home home home for the holidays, but not home like i used to know. that home is gone ive sung that song and only the echo of its memory remains repeating endlessly behind my eyes a consistantly nagging reminder. i convinced myself to believe my own lies until i had created perfection in my fantasy world, lies to cover up the missing time and the blanks in my mind where abuse was erased or i had to escape... lies only fool others and i can only believe my own lies to a certain depth. my soul knows the truth and there is nothing anyone can do to heal these wounds. by K @ 11:03 AM Thursday, November 17, 2005 f u c k y o u (dedicated to the ex-boyfriend) That's right, mr. ex boyfriend, take back your bling and don't be accusing me of shit that isn't even right, because PLAYBOY didn't send me shit, if you would have looked that email came from one of my friends and it was a joke because he was saying he could get paid $2,000 for 'letting' them photo me. And I sure as hell have not tried to get into your stupid voicemail. I got on your stuff before, wrong as it was, because we were together and i knew you were creeping around. I have not tried to get on anything of yours since we broke up nor will i, because we aren't together and i don't give a fuck what in the hell you are doing. Don't tell me that i was as bad to you or worse in things i did because that is bullshit. i was good to you when we were together, and after we broke up because of the shit you did nothing else matters. I don't know why you keep acting all nice and like you care or love me... or whatever, because we both know that is not true. Had you ever loved me you would not have done the things you did to me. It would have never come to this and you would not be lamely telling me to mail the ring back to your mom (I wonder what stories you have told her about all of this). And I don't know why you ask how my family is doing or how Kelly is doing when you hated my brother and didn't really like my mother and you hate Kelly so much and think she is so terribly disgusting that you will not even use a couch that I let her use before. (oh, ps. Kelly told me about what you said to her when she wanted a job at Kirkland's - just love your little twist on that one - she was under age you know not to mention my best friend - do you know what soliciting a minor can get you???) Sometimes I wonder what else you lied to me about and then I remember... everything! I feel so sorry for your ex and wonder what the true story there is, and am just lucky I got out of this shit before it got that far with you. If we had a child there would be no way in hell I would ever let her go with your drugged out selfish psycho ass. Funny you realize that it is so terrible to be racist or prejudiced but misogyny and narcissism are just fine and dandy for you. Also, don't get on ANY of my accounts or check my email or anything of that sort. It is not any of your business anymore and you shouldn't have been getting on them in the first place. If you keep on doing that shit I will put an end to it, believe me. Don't get on my buzznet or look at any of my pictures or writing or any sites that I may create in the future. I am beyond pissed off now that I see you have been getting on my email, who the fuck do you think you are anyway? So what i went back to him. So the fuck what. I dont see where it is any of your business... But hey... you only have yourself to thank for that shit because I would have never have turned to him if you had fulfilled your promises, but you broke all of your promises to me and I don't care anymore and I will break every promise I ever made to you. So just go ahead and say what you really think and really feel. Go ahead and say that you hate me and think I am a nasty whore slut bitch, its ok really, not like you haven't made it known with your actions or said the actual words before anyway. You can stop pretending now, because I know that the you I fell in love with, the you I was best friends with, the you I wanted to marry ... well that was all an elaborate lie. That was fake. I know the real you now, so go back to doing your drugs and hitting on girls of all ages and trying to get some but leave the high and mighty 'im a good sweet Christian man' act behind, because it is not working here anymore. Don't tell me you are trying to save our 'friendship' because you are the one who has fucked this whole thing up - whatever part of it was real - if there was any reality in the first place. If the last 10 or more years were an intricate scheme to fuck me then you succeeded in more ways than one. I am sorry to tell the way I feel so brutally but I am tired of being nice and getting screwed and I am tired of pretending that I believe the lies. I am not taking shit anymore. NO MORE! So don't lie to me anymore. You were supposed to be my best friend and look what you did to me... it hurt really bad and i could not do anything about it, the only thing i can do is to write how bad it hurt me, so now all i have to say is... FUCK. YOU. by K @ 7:44 PM Tuesday, November 15, 2005 no no drama we dont want no drama my life has been like a bad lifetime movie since i took my site down, now starting back up i have so much to say i dont even know where to begin and so much still going on that i am having trouble getting the time to sit down and write it out. but i am working on it. i am. and in the meantime there are tons of new pictures to the right, and those tell alot themselves. by K @ 7:36 PM Thursday, November 10, 2005 i'm baaaaaaack it's been a long time comin' but here i am, and boy do i ever have the shit to write about now! by K @ 2:26 PM |
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